We attended our "20" week appointment on February 15th. The time had come to confirm that Ellie Paige was healthy and indeed a girl. Prior to that appointment I kept telling myself if I could make it to 20 weeks we were safe... we would be bringing a baby home. I was still scared because… Continue reading Pregnancy and infant loss awareness-My truth and our story

I have learned so many things since losing Ellie Paige. Losing her has made me take a closer look at the world and the people in it. Grief is messy and one thing I have learned is that it changes friendships. There are people that I thought would be beside me who just haven't been,… Continue reading Lost Friendships After Loss

July was the month we had been counting down to since we found out we were expecting in October. The month our daughter would be born. I joked about how hot it would be. I secretly hoped she would come on my mom's birthday, July 4th, since her due date was July 6th. I had… Continue reading July

Grief can be such a confusing thing.  Some days I feel like I am walking in a complete fog. It is almost like my mind won't let me think about the fact that Ellie Paige is gone. Other days just suck. So many things in the "outside" world can trigger my grief. I like being… Continue reading “I’m Sorry That I Let You Down”

Dear Friend, I miss Ellie Paige EVERY day. Yes, I mean EVERY DAY. Why shouldn't I? She is my child and I love her more than I could have ever imagined.  I use love in present tense because a mother's love doesn't require a physical presence. It is an awful feeling to know that I… Continue reading A Letter To Those Who Don’t Understand on Mother’s Day

I truly never imagined we would be walking this road again.  I never imagined losing Ellie Paige after losing two babies to first trimester miscarriages. Grief is such a crazy path and just when  you think you have learned to live with the past it gets shoved back into your life making it feel like… Continue reading 10 Things to Never say or do to someone who lost a baby

I feel like I don't know who I am anymore after losing Ellie Paige. When my daughter died, I turned into a different person. I look in the mirror and no longer see the twinkle of life in my eyes. I look back at a person who is so overcome with sadness that I have… Continue reading Who Am I? Still Birth Has Changed Me

Easter is fast approaching on April 1st. Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays for many reasons. We remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, spend time with our family, watch children hunt for eggs, and the outside world just seems so beautiful and bright. The grass and trees are beginning to turn… Continue reading Dreading the First Holiday

Stillbirth, miscarriage, infant loss all happen to men too and sadly it isn't recognized or acknowledge like it should be. What I have found is that everyone is concerned about the mother and how she is doing that the dad gets forgotten about. Our society has this belief that men are supposed to "be strong"… Continue reading Dads Grieve Too …

I am a part of a support group where a bunch of mommas who lost their angels share ideas on things they do in memory of their children. One momma shared her kindness cards and I fell in love. How awesome is it to use Ellie Paige and her purpose on this Earth to spread… Continue reading Acts of Kindness for Ellie Paige