Stillbirth, miscarriage, infant loss all happen to men too and sadly it isn’t recognized or acknowledge like it should be. What I have found is that everyone is concerned about the mother and how she is doing that the dad gets forgotten about. Our society has this belief that men are supposed to “be strong” for their significant other and are made to feel like they need to take care of everything so their partner can grieve and heal. What about them?
My amazing husband has been carrying an extra heavy burden, my pain and his. Society needs to understand that my husband has the same hole in his heart that I do, his heart yearns and aches to hold our daughter again just like mine does. He loved her from the moment he knew she was in my tummy. He talked to her and held my stomach at night as I slept. He held my hand and watched her come into this broken world. He held her and wanted to keep her in his arms forever. He had dreams for her that were ripped away just like I did. He is not only a father, but a grieving father. He has tried to heal my broken heart, hold me when I cry, wipe my tears away, and support our household. He deserves the same support as I get.
As a mother, sharing my story has helped me in my grieving process. I have support groups full of women who have shared the same experiences. I can vent, cry, discuss, rant, and grow together with these women. My husband hasn’t been able to find that. His pain and grief may look differently than mine, but it is still there.
So what can we do? Please don’t ignore the fact that their pain/grief exists. Ask them how they are doing, and genuinely mean it. It’s important to acknowledge that they have experienced a huge loss too.
Loving Ellie Paige 