Easter is fast approaching on April 1st. Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays for many reasons. We remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, spend time with our family, watch children hunt for eggs, and the outside world just seems so beautiful and bright. The grass and trees are beginning to turn green, the flowers are blooming, and all of God’s creatures are coming out to play.
This year I am dreading any holidays and Easter is the first one approaching. I can’t imagine not having Ellie Paige here. It is hard for me to understand why I will never see my daughter laugh while dying eggs and hunting them, I will never get to pick out the perfect Easter dress or have her pictures taken with a baby lamb or rabbit. My heart literally aches on all of the things that I feel have been stolen from me.
This Easter will be so different for me. I will force myself to get up and go to church. I will force myself to have Easter dinner with my family and will have to sneak away before the Easter egg hunt begins. I will not dye eggs with my husband this year like we have done every year since we started dating, instead we will spend that time sitting at our daughters grave. In some strange way it brings me peace to sit where she is laid to rest. I will take beautiful flowers to leave with her and some other Easter/spring items. This is all I can do for her now here on Earth. It hurts knowing she will never be here to celebrate any holidays. Maybe over the years I will figure out how to handle the anxiety of approaching holidays and hopefully find other ways to incorporate Ellie Paige.
What are some things some of you do to incorporate your baby or child that is no longer here?
Loving Ellie Paige 